she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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