The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize