Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
