I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
