fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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