I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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