the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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