is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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