she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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