Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
