i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
