I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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