So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
