It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
