I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
