For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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