I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
