I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
