Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
