i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
