and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
