I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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