party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
