she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
