I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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