I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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