I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
