I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
