We're facebook friends in real life
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
