I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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