I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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