Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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