Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
