i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
