Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize