I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
