My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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