smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
