Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
tell me about the fingering
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
