went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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