Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
