Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
