I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
