Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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