I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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