So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
