She said her name was "party"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
