YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this hospital has no fireball
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
