Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
