I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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