Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
