You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
