I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
