I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
