we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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