I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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