party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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