I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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