Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
