hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
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My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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