New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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