Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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