Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
