she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
