So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize