so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
