Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
