ugly people sure do ruin things
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
