So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
