kristin has been a bad kristin
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
