It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
whose parrot is this?
My breasts were aching with rage.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize