I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
