It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
