You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
