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I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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