I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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