She is in my trunk
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
