dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
