I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My balls are so social today.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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