Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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